Never fully satisfied

This morning I've been working on my schedule for next week in preparation for the marathon next Saturday. I'm a very organized person so I'm putting together an hour by hour schedule of what I'll be doing starting from next Wednesday after work until after lunch on Saturday. That in itself is probably a little much, but that's what I do, organize.

With this organizing obsession I've started to plan out my race approach, trying to take the advice of my coach but also hit my goals. Now, this is my first marathon and I've heard time and again that your first marathon goal should be only to finish. But, the only reason I even signed up for this thing was on the condition that I could complete it in under 4 hours. My goal pace is a 9 min pace which will bring me in around 3:55, great, that's under 4 hours! However, based on comments from my coach and other predictors I'm hearing I should physically be able to complete it around 3:50. I'm struggling with the desire to not bonk but also to finish at 3:50. In doing all the calculations I would need to average 8:48 to come in at that time, but I just don't think I can hold that pace for the full distance. My coach has recommended I stick with 9:00 for at least the first 22 miles and then think about increasing pace if I'm feeling good. But, there is no way I'll be able to pull out 8:00 min miles after 22 miles so there doesn't appear to be a way to make up those last 5 min. I've even gone so far as to say, ok if I run at 8:55 that will bring me in around 3:53, but then I still have 3 min to make up in 4 miles. It just doesn't seem possible. It's a little disappointing to hear that I should be capable of a 3:50 but likely won't hit it.

With all that being said, I also really want to qualify for Boston and I'm a little sad that I won't be able to do that on my first marathon, but that is definitely out of my reach, a 3:40? Not a chance. My second marathon I'm planning for December and I do want to qualify for Boston, but the time requirement will have changed to a 3:35... that's damn near an 8:00 min pace. Can I train in 6 months to drop a full minute off of my marathon pace? I have no idea, but I hope so!

I have all these obnoxious dreams of becoming a great runner, I want to increase my pace on each distance I participate in, from 5k to Marathon... and I haven't even completed my first Marathon yet. It's an obsession that I hope will end up proving to myself and others that I'm an athlete and a damn good one.

Cheers!